Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!!!

It is the festive season (not that you'd notice it around here) and I am in really good spirits as I hope all of you are. The last month has been a real melting pot of experiences and emotions and I feel truly satisfied by it. Laos (after a bit of digging) proved itself to be an amazing travel destination and I had some of my most memorable life experiences ever in its primitive landscape and society. And Vietnam, with its challenges and frustrations is finally gaining some credit after a horror first impression. So sit tight because this installment of our (mis) adventures has got it all, scandals, cat liver sandwiches, all time highs, bus rides from the DEPTHS of hell and even an exclusive report on the Halong Bay Mafia!!

We last left you in Laos where I sat in the peace and quiet of Luang Prabang, with its delicious food, gourmet hotels and late night bowling alley. This place really gives you a massive misconception of what Laos is all about. Reflecting back it doesn't even comprehend that Luang Prabang IS Laos! After our fun-filled foray into the 'tubing' capital of the world, Vang Vieng we headed for the North-Western Nam Tha Province where Laos, Burma and China converge. On paper the place sounds amazing with up to 32 different ethnic groups sharing a very small area, maybe a 30km radius from the central town of Muang Sing. The bus ride to Nam Tha was hell of course, the worldwide backpacker rule of taking overnight buses to save on accommodation forgot to mention the clause regarding Laos… i.e.

"Backpackers shall not attempt overnight bus travel in Laos to save on accommodation unless they:

• are prepared to have zero sleep
  
• possess enough cheap, dodgy Valium to knock out a water buffalo
  
• possess ropes and harnesses capable of tying you to your seat so as not to fly across the bus into other passengers (or chickens or bags of produce) or
  
• want to have an experience they can make into a funny story at a later stage."

Vang Vieng: volleyball, alcohol and river madness!

If the bus ride wasn't bad enough we arrived in Nam Tha cold, dusty and apparently 20km from the town at 4.30am! It's amazing how well you can sleep on a cold, damp, dusty concrete floor in the middle of nowhere when you haven't slep a wink and have been holding on to your seat for fear of life all night. We again went for the self drive motorbike option as opposed to any organised tour or trek to Muang Sing and were hoping for a similar experience to that we had in Northern Thailand, cruising around and visiting the colourful ethnic groups. Our planned four or five day visit quickly became two days and we left promptly with a very disillusioned mind.

Children. Around Muang Sing, Laos.

All of our expectations crumbled around us within the first couple of hours. The first village we visited had us immediately surrounded with kids, old ladies and men alike desperately vowing for prime retail space in front of us. It was really depressing. Buy this, buy that, don't buy from her, buy from me etc etc. The further we travelled from the town (hoping to find people who were interested in us and not our wallet or possessions) the worse it got. In many instances we were warmly met by kids and youths and starting to feel some hope when a chief or elder would approach us and seeing we had nothing to give them, send us on our way.

Local football game (left) and local market scene (right), Phongsaly.

Every village, "Sa Bay Dee, Ok. Bom Bom?" ('Hello, Ok, Lollie?' in English). In one case, having left our motorbike parked outside the village we were walking around when we spotted a kid eating a packet of chips that were supposed to be in our backpack. Yep they'd been rummaging around till they found something...little brats! It might sound selfish that we weren't happy to just give them stuff but its just depressing because they really don't need anything. They live a beautiful subsistence lifestyle that has only been damaged because for years French and international aid organisations came here thinking that this theory of Give Give Give is better for these people. If it isn't medicine or teaching aids I'm afraid I don't agree.

The 'Bongoor' rules in these parts. Phongsaly Province.

Thankfully the scenery was beautiful and we did manage a couple of nice moments so all was not lost. We decided that if we really wanted to see some pure and untouched pieces of Laos we were going to have to go further afield. We looked at a map and with a wild stab said, "There!" Phongsaly Province, the northern-most province and closest to China. The theory of this was that it would be a simple 200km bus ride, the reality was that in this remote part of Laos that translated to 11 hours on unsealed roads! For all its negatives, the trip to Phongsaly also had some positives ie. we happened to meet four other travellers who were escaping for all the same reasons. With plenty of time to break the ice we decided to do a trek together into the vast unknown. We organised the trek to take us an our up stream toward China from where we would walk into the mountains. And walk we did!!!

River life, Nam Ou.

With our little posse and (supposedly trusty) guide we ended up walking for over eight hours on the first day to reach our destination. Every time one of us asked the inevitable question of, "How much longer?" it was always just a 'little further'. Thankfully the walk was absolutely beautiful and studded with encounters with local tribes folk, some of which were thoroughly intrigued and some of which who were so terrified they ran away! In an environment so geographically testing and so remote it is so amazing the number of small tribes that live amongst the mountains. Whilst we were panting and sweating our way up the paths that would eventually reach 2500m asl, small children would pass us at twice our speed only to dash down the hill 30min later carrying a fifty kilogram bag of rice! And they do it all day...up and down up and down! The women were by far the hardest workers, on many occasions men just sit around and smoke all day while the momen do most of the work. Our arrival after dark masked the true splendour of the village but did little to avoid the attention of the locals. Within minutes of our arrival over 50 people had crowded into our 'homestay'for the night to watch bewildered as we performed the most routine tasks, taking off our socks was particularly amusing.

Meetings and greetings on THE walk.

A rare flat section!

Jungle mafia?????

"Look how hairy that falang is!"

Our bed for the night was a bamboo platform no wider than two double beds that we later found was built directly above a pig pen (we discovered this to bursts of laughter at around 3am). If that wasn't bad enough there were eight people designated for this space including the owner of the hut so it was a case of big spoon little spoon all night long! The next day we awoke to the true splendour of the location and the incredible warmth and curiosity of the people. I can safely say that I have never had an experience anything like it. Truly unforgettable.

Local female smoking tobacco, something she wouldn't do in public.

My favourite photo of the trip to date. This child, Ami, was so photogenic yet may have never seen a camera before...

Akha Villages, 2500m asl.

With the time in Phongsaly and the trip down the Nam Ou river we finally had our 'moment'in Laos and were happy to move on to a new country. Hoping to find Vietnam and its subsequent infrastructure soothing. How wrong we could be! The three bus rides it took to get from Laos to Hanoi in Vietnam were the most horrendous bus rides I've ever imagined. Our first ride was hillarious and painful at the same time. Our bus which should have seated 24 was filled with huge bags of rice and oranges so that only 5 of the 8 rows of seats were available for sitting on. The five 'falang' (whities) were relegated to the back seat (actually not seats but bags of rice!) leaving around 15 seats. We completed the six hour ride from hell with 31 people in the bus! Crazy!

Ami, we wanted to hide her in our backpack!

31 people in about 12 seats! Laos-Vietnam border. Not everyday you share a bus with a 500 kilo ship propeller! (Vietnam)

If that trip was the most crowded then the next leg from Dien Bien in Vietnam to Son La in Vietnam was the dustiest! Eight hours on bull-dust rich roads that had us covered from head to toe in dirt and another half kilo in our lungs. To make matters worst we were already seeing first hand the massive change in peoples attitudes coming from Laos to Vietnam. The people in Northern Vietnam are incredibly rude towards foreigners. Any modern historian will know that they have suffered terribly in the many wars and horrors that have ravaged their land over the years but the effect is huge.

The food in Northern Vietnam is every bit as adventurous as the rumours suggest. There is signs for dog meat on every street corner and they eat toads, snake and geckos without the blink of an eye. Our first meal in Dien Bien was a pate sandwich which we later learned may have been cat pate, a popular dish up there. Disgusting I know but the locals love it and they're all still thriving!

Any one for dog paw? Dog heart? Bottle of dog's blood?

We'd survived both the food of North-western Vietnam and the horror bus rides but netherless arrived in Hanoi with a craving for some civilisation, good food and frienndly people. Wrong. I've never been in a place with so many people who are thoroughly unpleasant and eager to milk every little last penny from you depleted backpacker pockets. Unfortunate really as the city itself with its colonial French architecture and colourful alleys is beautiful to wander through. In four rollercoaster days we managed to attend to all our 'city' needs with just a few hiccups. My backpack was stolen from my side with my camera gear and Lisa's ipod in it on day two which left us two days of frantic communication with our insurance company in Oz and subsequent shopping for new equipment. Bastards. On the upside, Vietnam is very cheap for Canon equipment so I upgraded on my previous lenses.

We left Hanoi feeling so mentally drained. In every transaction you make there you have to be so alert and stipulate exactly what you want and how much you will pay. For example in an internet cafe they will charge you three times the price of the locals unless you ask them prior to give you the cheaper rate. In one case we had printed some pages off the day before at the local rate (7cents) and then the next day done the same thing but because we didn't AGREE beforehand the price was ten times the more. So frustrating. With our senses heightened and our radars on we decided against an organised tour to the world famous and UNESCO recognised Halong Bay. Instead we would do it on our own to ensure we actually were on a boat and not an inflatable raft or some crap! Which brings us to the story of our run-in with the Cat Ba mafia...

Ha Long Bay (minus mafia)

Every day thousands of people visit Halong Bay on organised tours from Hanoi. Lisa and I SHOULD have done just this. Just when we we thought we'd made a good deal with a boat captain to get us out to the famous Cat Ba Island all shit hit the fan. What the tourist brochure doesn't tell you about Cat Ba is that there is a local organised gang that runs the lucrative motor cycle taxi trade there. We had organised a transfer across the island from the deserted jetty to the town (30km) with the captain, we would just blend in with the other 'package' tourists. SOMEHOW they smelt us out and we were transported to a surreal scene from tropical Goodfellas!

A friendly Cat Ba local

The tour guide who was attempting to smuggle us with the 'package folks' was threatened with violence and death, we were told that NO bus would be taking us anywhere, people were scared for us, we were angry as hell to the point where Lisa spat in the face of the head Mafia Man, something we should have really reconsidered in hind sight!! No one could help us, we couldn't help ourselves. As each new boat arrived we told of our predicament and we tried to bribe every bus driver and boat captain to help us but with a wave of the hand from Mr Man we were nobody's prey but theirs. This is their business principle, get you stranded and helpless and then carge a fortune for their services. We were 30km from anywhere, it was going dark and there was no civilisation for God knows. So... we decided to walk! Afew km down the road we realised we were really in a spot. Thankfully a nice older man approached us for the use of his motorcycle, in the middle of negotiations a mafia man showed. Thankfully we we were able to talk them into getting Lisa on the bike with the old man whilst I would have Mr Mafia and we made it to town without the loss of too much money and in one piece.

So Halong Bay and Cat Ba Island, a place I'd been excited about visiting for a very long time was quite a let down. We stayed a few days on the island and did meet a couple of friendly locals but any future travellers BE WARNED! Vietnam was very behind on impressions and we could only hope things could change further down the coast. Thankfully as the kilometres rolled by the people did get vastly nicer. There was some lovelly limestone scenery around Ninh Binh and the central coastal town of Hoi An was lovely if not a little wet. We finally got some sunshine in the resort town of Mui Ne where there is rumored to be surf but I couldn't find it, just a lot of wind, kite boarders and sand flies! Lisa got 93 sandfly bites in three days!

Ninh Binh

Friendly faces of Vietnam.



Hoi An



Flooding around Hue, Vietnam

So Vietnam was a whirlwind. 2000km in two and a bit weeeks and really can't say that much positive about it. In hindsight we would have loved some more time in Laos and Cambodia and forgotten Vietnam altogether. Yep...you heard it, don't go to Vietnam.

Monkeying around, Mui Ne.

The best things about Vietnam, fresh milk with Oreo and Bia Hoi (keg beer). One litre of Bia Hoi in Saigon cost US$0.25!




Christmas touch in Saigon and a moment away from the hustle and bustle.

Water Park, Saigon.

So once again my blog is complete. And once again I have spent an awful lot of time doing it so you better appreciate it. Right now I am in Siam Reap, Cambodia exploring the wonders of Ankor Wat. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a super Happy New Year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!